Sunday, February 13, 2011

Breaking down the Heart Walls

This visit has been just what the doctor ordered. I think I just needed to enjoy something familiar - something to give me a little boost. The sunny weather has definitely given me a dose of happy, too!

The first few months in our new home in Utah, I felt like I was in a 'funk'. My perspective was clouded and I didn't feel myself. Lucky me, I have a seriously patient husband, friendly neighbors, and many willing ears. For a while, I really didn't want to do anything and felt lost. I kept moving forward and tried to find that motivation. Getting that momentum going was hard!

I finally feel like that dark cloud has come and went. FINALLY! So if you wondered why I was being beastly, that's probably why. I'm a silent sufferer. I feel guilty wanting to play 'victim', so I try to put on a happy face and pretend it'll be better tomorrow.

I've got to learn to swallow my pride and open up - let it out. I have built what my friend calls a "heart wall". I need to learn to identify, destroy, and prevent those heart walls from building - those walls that prevent me from moving forward. Those dumb walls that stop us in our tracks like deer in the headlights. Yeah. Those walls. You know da kine. (going back to my Hawaiian roots with that word!)

I realize now the Lord is trying to teach me to trust Him and to rely on his atonement for those dark times. Nothing else can break down those heart walls, except my Savior - the love that He freely gives and offers to all who will accept it.

I wasn't originally planning on blogging about this, but now that I have, I feel better. And a little bit naked, too. :0)

5 comments:

  1. I can totally relate to the "feeling naked" feeling. But I think that's good for you. Writing can be so therapeutic. Glad you're feeling better. Kinda wish my cloud would take a vacation :)

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  2. I usually write this kinda stuff in my journal - not on my public blog! Ah. Whatever. It is therapeutic, I agree. I wish your cloud would take a vacation, too!!!! I'll include you in my prayers tonight! :0)

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  3. Love you! This was beautiful.

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  4. Loved talking to you today... glad you are out of your "funk" ~ Love ya girl! (thanks for listening to me ramble on and on and on!)

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  5. Em you are awesome!! I think we all have our funks! I just posted on Dano's about my big funk after getting married.. ha.. brandon thought I was having buyers remorse ;) NOT the case but just different.. I don't handle change well! Anywhooo.. wish you kiddos lived closer we could just jump from your heart wall to mine and get over them.. hehe.. yes i'm a mongo dork! love u.. give Bella big hug from me!

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